F u n n y B i t s
more humour - funny stories - on our 'Humour in English page
Q: Why did the student take a ladder to school?
A: Because he/she was going to high school!
Q: What's the difference between a musician and a savings bond?
A: A savings bond eventually matures and earns money.
Q: What did the fish say when he hit the wall?
A: Dam!
Q: What do you call a fish without an eye?
A: Fsh.
Q: Why did the tomato blush?
A: Because it saw the salad dressing!
Q: Which letter is always trying to find reasons?
A: "y" (Why?")
Q: "Dad, I don't want to go to school today." said the boy.
A: "Why not, son?"
Q: What do you call a fish that only cares about himself?
A: Selfish.
Q: Why don't sharks eat clowns?
A: Because they taste funny.
Q: Why can't a bicycle stand on its own?
A: Because it's two-tired (too tired)
Q: What is number six afraid of?
A: Seven eight nine ;( seven ate nine )
Q:Which room has no doors, no windows.
A: A mushroom.
Q: What are the strongest days of the week?
A: Saturday and Sunday. Because all the others are weak (week) days.
Q: A Japanese girl asked a friend: “Do you know what the three important rings in life are?”
A: She said: “Engagement ring, Wedding ring, and suffering. (suffer + ring)
Q: I was arrested at the airport. Just because I was greeting my cousin Jack!
A: All that I said was "Hi Jack", but very loud.
Q: What do you call a Spaniard who can't find his car?
A: Carlos
Q: Do you know where people send a horse when it is sick?
A: To a horsepital.
Q: What did the doctor say when the invisible man called to make an appointment?
A: Tell him I can't see him today.
Q: Why did you invite a mushroom to the party?
A: Because he's a fun guy to be with. (fungi - plural of 'fungus')
Q: Which is faster, heat or cold?
A: Heat, because you can catch a cold.
Man said to God --- Why did you make women so beautiful?
God said to man --- So that you will love them.
Man said to God --- But why did you make them so dumb?
God said to man --- So that they will love you.
Q: Do you know why birds fly to south in the winter?
A: Because it's too far to walk there.
Man: I want to share everything with you.
Woman: Let's start from your bank account.
If big elephants have big trunks, do small elephants have suitcases?
The doctor to the patient: 'You are very sick'
The patient to the doctor: 'Can I get a second opinion?'
The doctor again: 'Yes, you are very ugly too...'
or, see more humour - funny stories - on our 'Humour in English page